Be vague and mysterious. I can’t really get in to the specifics of this because of reasons…
Shitting your pants. In the infamous words of Marsellus Wallace, “you might feel a slight sting. That’s pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. It only hurts, it never helps”. There is a way to get out of all things in life but avoiding specific issues usually require specific skills, lies, or cunning but shitting yourself is a one size fits all solution to life's little problems. Gone are the days of thinking on your feet to get out of a test, a work project, a catfish date with a girl you met on Tinder with this one life hack you have suddenly freed yourself from the shackles of responsibility. That lie you tell, the sudden doctors appointment you forgot to mention, everyone can see what you are doing but there is no denying the objective fact of having a steaming pile of shit in your work khakis. You may think it’s impossible for a human to stoop so low and degrade themselves to such a point where this becomes a feasible option and this is exactly why this hack works. Most people can’t imagine how an animal is able to chew through its own bone to free itself from a bear trap but it happens every day. Those that can do it are set free, those that can’t are easy prey who welcome only the cold hand of death to extinguish their pitiful existence.
Telling people you were raped. This is a slightly more advanced hack that only those who have mastered hack two should try. This hack is also slightly riskier because it makes you look like someone who can be easily dominated, so men, it’s important that you only use this technique when your life depends upon it. The two most common times to unleash this alpha male mental jujitsu are when you are asked about the gap in your resume, or when avoiding paying for parking at a garage. The key to this maneuver is to not look overly distressed or too nonplussed, you must have a kind of cold serious brooding expression. You don't oversell it—everyone copes in their own way, and this is yours. If the employer says they need further details about what that has to do with your unemployment you just look them in the eye, think of Old Yeller or Bambi’s mom and let the cloudy eyes do the rest of the talking for you. Many will invoke their slave morality or make appeals to some “common decency” nonsense but to those who instinctively shrivel at this sage advice I say to you, “If this is how you feel then you truly have been raped. Raped by society…”
Always oversell. If you tell someone you are going to give them 5 hacks to change their life give them four, keep the people wanting more.